Saturday, February 4, 2012

My Heart Hurts

I literally feel like something has been sinking for so long, and it has just hit the bottom. I can't even focus on anything anymore except the pain when someone you love does not love you back in the same way. Drops you off to go fuck someone else. I can't take it anymore. Moments like these make me wish I was a cutter or bulimia. To do something that will just put a bandage over the problem, anything but have to face it anymore. It's there and I decided this week I am going to confront it. Not try to see everything with rose colored glasses, just the way they are. Much more black and white than what I had imagined. He is not in love with me. I have used him as a replacement boyfriend because I am extremely lonely. I put my friends on such a high pedestal, because I have no one else to make my number 1. If I was in his position I would do the same thing. Now I have to sit in a cafeteria in 30min to hear about him fucking or whatever with his new crush. Sorry fuck that plan. He is not going to eat breakfast at all today. I just got the text. Funniest part is that I should be happy, no? I don't have to hear about anything. Wrong. I will just have to hear about it later. The only difference is that now it is delayed and I don't get to see him. Just seeing him brings up so many feelings that they make me want to puke a little. Actually, I want to puke a lot. My heart hurts. I can't continue doing this. Life is too short, and I am not doing what I should be doing. I should be going out and meeting new people. I am stuck in his world. I will create my own world again. FUCK THIS SHIT!
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3 comments:

  1. Wow I know exactly how you feel. Everything. My blog was about random rants and in the last month or so has turned into an outlet of my suffering from the ex significant other.

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  2. I'm still working on it since I don't just ignore every guy I see because I'm blinded by one person. Just knowing someone listened to my rant helps :)

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