" Say I'd rather be with you but you are not around
So I'mma call somebody up and see if they be down
Cause I hate sleeping alone, I hate sleeping alone"
Saturday, February 4, 2012
I literally feel like something has been sinking for so long, and it has just hit the bottom. I can't even focus on anything anymore except the pain when someone you love does not love you back in the same way. Drops you off to go fuck someone else. I can't take it anymore. Moments like these make me wish I was a cutter or bulimia. To do something that will just put a bandage over the problem, anything but have to face it anymore. It's there and I decided this week I am going to confront it. Not try to see everything with rose colored glasses, just the way they are. Much more black and white than what I had imagined. He is not in love with me. I have used him as a replacement boyfriend because I am extremely lonely. I put my friends on such a high pedestal, because I have no one else to make my number 1. If I was in his position I would do the same thing. Now I have to sit in a cafeteria in 30min to hear about him fucking or whatever with his new crush. Sorry fuck that plan. He is not going to eat breakfast at all today. I just got the text. Funniest part is that I should be happy, no? I don't have to hear about anything. Wrong. I will just have to hear about it later. The only difference is that now it is delayed and I don't get to see him. Just seeing him brings up so many feelings that they make me want to puke a little. Actually, I want to puke a lot. My heart hurts. I can't continue doing this. Life is too short, and I am not doing what I should be doing. I should be going out and meeting new people. I am stuck in his world. I will create my own world again. FUCK THIS SHIT!