It has been a while, I feel like anyways, since I have written anything in here. I have pretty much have had different friends as diary's, but that is not the same as having your life written down. I realize how much it actually helps, now that I haven't been doing it. I want to start doing this much more, school work is just crazy. Anyways, why don't we get to the point? Which is me, that just sounds so self-centered.
I have started my second semester in college, and when I think back on it I think happy thoughts, but as if I have not been living life to the fullest. I spend 85% of my time with my gay best friend which is just too ridiculous. I just can't seem to stop, I've actually have had dreams of him being my boyfriend. That scares me, I would not want that to happen really, theirs no way in hell it would work out, being honest with myself. As far as my best friend goes, if anyone can remember, the one that I basically fawn over to the point of pathetic, yeah that one, I'm going to go visit her for Thanksgiving break. Hope anyone that reads this is proud of me, I told her I was bi. Personal achievement, but now it's almost like I want to backtrack, but I know that would be stupid.
I didn't tell her I had basically been in love with her, nor do I ever plan to. She was supportive, but that was it, and I did it via text like an idiot. But it's done, no one else on the planet has been told, and she still has her boyfriend. So not much else that I can do. I've kind of let that dream go, key words there are kind off. I felt like we have been separating, friendship wise, so I'm going to go visit, no worries this isn't a surprise visit, she knows about it. We will see how that goes, I'm sure she has questions for me and I have tons for her.
Back to my current college life, my roommates in the beginning were great, but the girl who I use to be friends with and I aren't friends and neither is one of the new girls. They are to much of backstabbers, and my old roommate is a drama seeker. Her and my gay best friend no longer talk either at any point in time, that friendship might be done, I have no idea. They can figure it out, I can't take anyones drama.
FYI my gay best friend is back with his boyfriend and is as happy as can be, so that idea is actually gone. My actual love life is non-existent for my entire life. How pathetic is that? I know I'm not asexual or anything cause I fall for people that I am close to. Apparently, the problem is that I don't understand how to go about a relationship. I am honestly lonely, I know to meet people, etc. But I need advice, if anyone makes it this far: 1. Congratulations and 2. Help.