Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Past my First Month at College

So I've entered college. I ended up getting a standard room with just one roommate which I am very thankful for, considering I know of people sharing a room with multiple roommates, that would not go well for me. For the most part we get along pretty well, and we share some of the same friends. In the beginning we mostly clashed because she did not seem to grasp the concept that if its mine don't touch it. If you feel the urge to do that, fight it. All you have to do is ask or text me if I'm not in the room and 99% of the time the answer will be yes, but we have gotten over that hump. The other problem we have is the clingy factor. If I am not with her she wants to know where I am, who I'm with, and approximately when will I be coming "home" because she is "lonely." It would be acceptable if this was a rare occurrence, but she has already gone around to my friends rooms looking for me if I don't tell her where I am. She has tried to tone that down, but she is working on it.
My major is Psychology, and I have been excited to start learning more of the basics of what I plan to do with the rest of my life.
I have to take some core curriculum classes which are a waste of time, but at least I get credits for them? I want to join some kind of after school activity to feel more integrated in the school and meet more people. I did move around when I was younger and I know that teams and groups make so much of a difference. As far as my love life goes in college, it is as dry as a desert. Nothing is happening! I have come to closer terms with my questions about my own sexuality. I feel like sexuality is something that is elastic and changes depending on the specific person I can be attracted to. Saying that I am just straight sounds crazy every time I say it. I am attracted to both, I think, just mostly men. When I see my future I see it with a man and having kids, but does that mean I should shut out all women, because my vision cannot change? I don't want to hurt anyone on my own "journey" to figuring my own life out. It is always a balancing act. I have tried to tell my best friend at least that I am curious about my own feelings and I can't even get that out. Me telling her that I am/was falling for her is probably never going to happen, I care to much to lose it. Plus I just got "the" text as we call it. We were both virgins entering college but she entered back in September and has just lost her virginity to her boyfriend. I was happy for her, but their was still that slight pain that I'm pretty much suppressing. For now I'm out of ideas on how to handle my own life.

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